Can't say that at my Funeral...

I had been thinking recently that when I die, I might have a list of things that I wanted to be said at my funeral that were basically things that didn't matter much except that I could say them at my funeral.

Today, I had to cross one of those things off. Ok, it was the only concrete one I had thought of, but now I have to think of something else because I can't say this one anymore...

I can no longer say that I have never been pulled over and never gotten a speeding ticket.

That's right. You read me. Apparently the officer read me too and that's the whole problem. He read me doing 79 mph in a 65 mph zone. Yes, that is fast. But it was IN THE MIDDLE OF NO-WHERE! Plus, I had already passed the sign that says "Speed patrolled by Aircraft." I'll tell you, that officer was not in an aircraft. No sirree. He was in a real car. Yup. The one with the lights on top that you pass by and think "Bummer for him (the car just in front of the one I'm speaking of). He must have been going fast." Only it was me this time in front of that cop car (note that it was NOT an aircraft).

To my credit, I was very dignified about the whole matter. I didn't cry. I didn't beg for mercy. And, I was completely honest. When the officer asked why I was going as fast as I was I simply explained that I was on a long road trip and was not trying to go overly fast nor overly slow. Plain and simple. I didn't lie and tell him I had a deadline or was trying to reach my dying grandmother before she passed away. Nor did I say "I know why you pulled me over - you wanted to sell me tickets to the officer's ball, in hopes that he would answer 'No, officer's don't have balls.'" No, I was quite honest. I wonder if I should have been more honest (at least more forthcoming) about the fact that I had never been pulled over before in hopes that that may sway his quota of mercy. In this scenario, the status was Not Quo (if you know what I mean).

I had visions after the fact of what I might do if I could do it over again. Aside from the whole "not speeding in the first place thing," I could picture myself reaching my hand to shake his, congratulating him on being the first officer to pull me over, or maybe I would cut that out and just ask his name so we could be on more friendly terms. It's harder to give a friend a ticket, right?

One might ask how fair is it that on my first time ever (and I'm 32!) of being pulled over, I get a ticket when my dear brother-in-law whose name shall not be named... Let's call him Brad B. No. Let's call him B. Brockbank. So how fair is it that B. Brockbank can get pulled over like 20 times and only come away with 2 tickets (B. Brockbank, you can thank your wife for those statistics) when I get pulled over for the first time at my age and come away with one on the very first time?

But alas, I did the crime (so to speak - apparently it is not a crime, it is only a violation, thank heavens) so I'll pay the fine.

To the officer's credit, he was very respectful. Not too strict, not to easy going. He is what I would consider "A credit to the Law Enforcement of America." And today, he had to enforce the law on me.

Also to my credit is the fact that for the remainder of the trip, which was another four hours or so, I drove 5 miles over the speed limit. No more speeding for me.

To my husband's credit, he did not get upset at me for the $192 that we will pay to the community of Arlington, Oregon. This was wise on his part so as to avoid 1) tears, 2) guilt, and 3) a warning to lay off considering his number of tickets. He had just the right amount of sympathy mixed with the right amount of tongue holding so as to win points today. Honey, I really appreciate how you handled that today and I love you even more for that. :)

Well, I suppose if I never get pulled over and given a ticket again, they could always say at my funeral "She wanted it known that she was only pulled over once in her life for speeding for which she willingly accepted the consequence and learned her lesson. We should all strive to be more like her."

And after that one, they could say that "She had an amazing ability to Burp louder than most grown men." Hmmm... I'm going to have to think some more about that one. Dang it. I really needed the no ticket one.

:)